The BLACK EXPERIENCE: Act your age, not your shoe size
There’s something unsettling happening in our communities today. A shift feeling more cultural than generational. Lately, I’ve noticed a growing trend where many of today’s adults seem more interested in behaving like children than raising them. The line between maturity and immaturity is becoming blurred and the effects are rippling through our households, our neighborhoods, and ultimately, our youth.
From public spats and viral confrontations to the casual use of profanity in front of children, we’ve normalized behaviors that once would have been checked by elders with a firm look or a few choice words. Now, instead of modeling wisdom, composure, and responsibility, some adults seem more interested in fitting in with the younger crowd – matching their energy, language, and sometimes even their impulsiveness.
What’s worse, we’ve done this in front of the most impressionable people in our lives, our children. Young people are like sponges. They absorb not just what we say but how we act, how we treat others, and how we carry ourselves. If we model chaos, they internalize it. If we model disrespect, they reflect it – not just toward their peers but toward us, their supposed role models. If every adult around them is busy trying to be a peer instead of a parent, where will they learn discipline, grace, or self-control?
I’m not saying this to preach or stand on a pedestal. These thoughts come from real life observations and I offer them with humility. Sometimes we need to tell on ourselves a little to make a point. I want to share two stories illustrating the power of influence – subtle but lasting.
The first is about mayonnaise. Yes, mayonnaise. I’ve hated it my entire life. Not because of a traumatic lunchroom experience or some diet preference, simply because my mother hated it. She wouldn’t allow it in our kitchen. She didn’t just dislike it, she banned it from our refrigerator. And without even realizing it, I adopted her preference. Her taste became mine. Not because of anything she preached but simply because of what she practiced. That’s the power of influence. Children watch. They learn.
The second story is more recent. I sometimes work from home and from time to time, I’d find a group of neighborhood kids hanging out in my driveway when the neighbor’s child wasn’t around. I’ll admit, at first, I was irritated. My instinct was to fuss, raise my voice, and run them off. But, instead, I tried something different. I bought them some Gatorade, walked outside, and had a calm, respectful conversation. I told them I sometimes work from home and need quiet, especially when I’m focused on challenging assignments. I asked them to respect my space.
You know what? They listened. Since that day, I’ve had fewer problems. Sure, I still find a candy wrapper here and there, but I’ll take that over loud yelling and the thump of basketballs bouncing during a deadline any day. The biggest difference wasn’t in them, it was in me. I approached them like the adult I’m supposed to be. The adult I am.
Our children are dealing with enough already – violence in the streets, confusion on social media, and inconsistent guidance in their homes. The last thing they need is for their parents, aunts, uncles, and neighbors to be emotionally absent or immature. What they need is leadership. What they deserve is accountability. What they crave, even if they don’t always show it, is structure.
Somewhere along the line, being “grown” stopped being something of which to be proud. We traded wisdom for wit, maturity for memes, and guidance for gossip. We started dressing like our children, talking like them, and even trying to compete with them in spaces that were never meant for us. Then we turn around and ask why they don’t respect us.
Respect is earned, but more importantly, it’s taught. And it’s not taught through fear. It’s taught through consistency, boundaries, and compassion. We can’t expect kids to admire our wisdom if we refuse to show any. We can’t expect them to seek our guidance if we’ve never made ourselves worthy of being followed.
This doesn’t mean we can’t laugh, enjoy life, or stay youthful in spirit. But there’s a difference between being young at heart and being irresponsible. There’s a difference between relating to our kids and trying to relive our own childhood through them. Our age is a gift! One many don’t get to enjoy. Why waste it trying to be someone we no longer are?
My mother used to say something I now carry with me daily, “Act your age, not your shoe size.” It was her way of reminding me adulthood is a responsibility not a costume you can take off when things get uncomfortable. Her words ring louder than ever now, as I watch too many of us abandon the wisdom and calm that once made our elders pillars of the community.
So, I leave you with this. Let’s do better. Not just for ourselves but for the generations watching us, learning from us. The next time you’re in a moment where you could respond with pettiness or pride, choose poise instead. The next time a child acts out, consider from where they may have learned it.
